I am not a Blogger anymore---

And its KILLING me!! I cannot believe its been a little more then 2 months since I last posted! Sigh. Thats what happens when your laptops battery kicks the can and it costs $100 to replace it. :(  Broke battery + no job= no blogging. I do have good news. I had a job interview at Home Instead Senior Care. They are waiting for my background check to come in, but I feel like the job is mine once it comes in!! The interview went well and they already called my references (SIX!!) I called this past Monday and they still have no gotten it in. :( Ahhh, hurry up and wait. Its my lifes motto! LOL.

Good news, Ive finally gotten a test date for my CNA!!! Nov. 5th is the big day. Ive been studying my booty off! Im nervous and so excited at the same time!

Mikey got ALL A's and B's on his first report card! YIPEE! Im sooo proud of him!! Zachary did good too, but we have been having issues with talking and not listening at school......yeah.

Michael came down to visit the end of august until mid sept. it was like normal. we were a family. Since then, he has committed again to our marriage. When he gets out of the Army on medical retirement { Feb-June 2012} he will be coming down here and we will be back in action. I know a lot of people think im crazy or making the wrong decision but we have been through so much together. we love each other. We just need to learn to handle things differently and more maturely.

I am just about all signed up for school in January. Im just waiting on my HS transcripts making their way to the college. Sooooo once they get there, 4 weeks from that day, my financial aid should be awarded. Nov 11 is the start of registration. Im excited. I have to take a prep math class {bc I suck at Algebra} but I am on college level for my english and reading! Not bad for being out of school for almost 11 years! ;)


Looking forward to Trick or Treating on Monday nite. Haileys going to be Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, Zachy is going to be The white power ranger { a tiger i think??} and Mikey is BumbleBee from Transformers! Should be fun!

Anyways, that was a super quick update. Sorry. KNow that I miss all you in blogland and i hope I still have some followers. LOL Bear with me......I will have a computer again in a few months! {Im on my brothers rite now!}

Michael and I have been talking. For hours yesterday and today. My mind is racing with so many thoughts and my heart is feeling so many feelings. He said he misses us and wants us to come home.

Part of me wants to believe him, but part of me feels like he is is just saying it. I dont know. I hadn't heard from him in 8 days. EIGHT. That is not acceptable to me. At all. Its not want I want out of a relationship, out of my marriage.


Dont get me wrong. Mchael has so many good qualities about him, but his shortcomings are big ones. I do not deserve to be lied to. I do not deserve to feel less the amazing. I do not deserve to be belittled. I know I have my faults as well. Im controlling, jealous and insecure. I know I dont make Michael feel his best either. We have a lot of work to do and things to try to address. I asked him today if when hes down here, would he be willing to go to marriage counseling. He said he would go.

My mind is going crazy. My head and my heart are in conflict. Not a good thing. He's coming down between the 26-31st. It will be a very hard and good visit at the same time. Wish me luvk folks and send prayers my way.....

Anyways, boy start school tomorrow and I am going to fill out an application at the local Humane Society. I sen in my resume but they also need an on site app filled out as well. HOPEFULLY it will go good. Lord knows Ive been trying to get a job forever!

I will keep you all posted with things as they develop.

Thanks for stopping by----

Fun in the sun-- A Reunion (a little late)

So Im sure that everyones been DYING to know just how the heck we are. Things are way slow moving on the job front. Ive applied to probably 20 diferent jobs over the past 2 weeks. Now a days, everyone only takes applications for employment online....which is a big time saver, but a HUGE bump in the road for me.

You all know....Ive been a SAHM {stay at home mom} for the past 8 years....not like I can count that on an application.....But what I lack in "experience" I make up for in Personality and appearence and work ethic. I just need someone to cut me a break and give me the chance to show that that I am a GREAT worker.

*sigh*

The hunt continues. Ive found an apartment that we can move into as soon as I get employment verification.*YAY* It's a beautiful and safe apartment complex right in the heart of the twon I want to be!!!

The kids are slowly adjusting to the split. The boys seem to be handling it better then Hailey, but occasionally Z flairs up with the "I miss Daddy's" too. As for Michael and I, we are being civil for the most part. We dont talk everyday and thats hard for me,but right now its for the best. He is planning a surprise trip down here for Z's (and his} birthday on August 30th! I know the kids will be so so happy and surprised! { and I know I will be glad to see him too}

I had to apply for Food Stamps yesterday. It was one of the most humbling and terryifying experiences I have had so far. I know that it's a good thing right now and I def. do not plan on staying on them forever, but right now, ANY help I get would help us all. I mean I came down here with 600 dollars to my name and 3 kids....Now Im down to 200. Thank goodness for my mom and her boyfriend and the occasional dinner at my dads, or I dont know what I would be doing.....

Anyways, things are slowly working out. God has His plan in HIS time. I need to remember that.

Here's a few pictures from the first week we got back. Hope you like em.

Worlds Most Famous Beach

                            
                 Hailey checking out her shadow!{what?!?!? there wasn't a lot of sun in germany!)

                        
                                Mikey out in the country {by my mom's boyfriends house}

 
                                       ZB on the tire swing

Hailey and Uncle Bryan swimming in the poo; at Bryan and Stephs !st wedding anniversary get-together

Mikey and Zach with their great-grandma {we call her Ding} Her boyfriend owns all the ice cream trucks on the beach, so thats how they all got to go in so I could snap this cool pic!}

My nephew Ian!!!!!! I didnt put him down the whole day. Urghit kils me that they have moved to NC just as I get back! :( Isn't he so fat and handsome!?

 Hailey and her cousin Ian...awww!

Ian again! :) Love the cheesy lil smile!

 Hailey playing peek a boo. awww.

OK all, have a good one and I will catch up soon! <3

T minus 2 days---

The time is unpon us. I am typing to you all from the Lagerhof Hotel. Yes, we cleared housing!!! We leave here early Sunday morning to fly back to the States. Its a bittersweet feeling honestly. On one hand, I will get to be around my family again. On the other, I am officially seperated. Honestly, Im ready. It is obvious that we just are not good for each other at this point in our lives. Hopefully this time apart will help, not hurt us.

Only time will tell.

I broke my toe. My big toe.Funny story. Nnot really, but still.  After we cleared housing,  we had a bunch of food we brought over here to the hotel.{we have a kitchenette in our room} Michael was handing things through the window to me and didnt notice the hole in the bottom ofone bag. Well, guess what happened??? I big ol' jar of jelly fell out and landed smack dab in the middleofmy big toe. Can you say "kill me now?!?!" It hurt so so so bad. It still does as a matter of fact! Im not going to the dr till we get Stateside because I do not wanna fly {10 hrs} with a big ole cast on.Can you say uncomfortable???

Anyways, tomorrow we are going to Zacharys girlfriends early bday party. Her mama moved ot up JUSTso we couuld be there! How sweet right?!!?

So I will touch base with you all once we are back in the good old US of A!!!

Ducks In A Row

As the title suggest...our ducks are all in a row! Tickets are set, household goods are packing on the 25th and 26th, oyr van is shipping the 31st.....and we are outta this house on June 1st!!!

All day I was on a cleaning kick. I was Magic-eraser-ing all the walls.Man oh man, I'll tell ya....YUCK! I didnt realize just how bad the walls were until I started cleaning them. Dirty nasty little handprints everywhere!!! I went through 2 erasers on the kitchen cabinets and walls and I managed to get 4 out of the 8 walls in our hallway. Then, poof, Magic Eraser isn't so magic anymore. Dont get me wrong.....I LOVE it1 It gets out pen and crayon and even permanent marker.....things a regualr sponge wont touch, but there is one huge downside.
Once you get through cleaning everything like a crazy person, the eraser starts to crumble.

Booo.

I wish the awesome folks over at the lab would make a way for the crumbling to not happen.

---Anyways, I so did not intend do talk that much about the Magic Eraser. :)

Tomorrow is Field Day for Mikey and Zach. I remember last year when we went and it was just Mikey's field day.Now I have 2 boys who get to go! Unbelieveable. Im excited and cant wait to show you some pictures from the {sure to be awesome} day.

As for Michael and I, things are still the same. Civil. Seperate. {with the night time routine of watching a movie in bed together...not touching at all. Have you seen No strings attached with Ashton Kutcher and Natlie Portman?? If not please do! Its great!} It's weird. We love each other. I know it and so does he.....it just seems weird to not touch. No hugs, kisses or backrubs. No more I love you's or calling me baby {unless he "forgets" and calls me it}

It's a bittersweet feeling I tell you. But it's like my mama said to me.

This is a new chapter in our book.....its not the end of the book yet.

Thanks mama. I hope you are right!
Till next time folks!

June 6th

Yes, we have a day that Michael will report to GA. Hopefully thats not breaking any OPSEC rules or anything.....

Im excited.

Michael and I just got back from a counseling session. First time I have ever been to a therapist. Overall, he was very nice. He talked soothingly. {is that even a word??} I expected to do more talking to him,but he did a lot of talking.

I am okay today with the idea of seperating. It will do us both good and allow us to both grow and learn individually.

Thats just a really quick update,Ive gotta clean the house and get lunch going before I get the boys from school.

I PROMISE I will be back soon with a real post.

Till then.........

The Paperwork is IN!

Yup, you all read that title right. The med board paperwork for Michael has been submitted. We should know in {hopefully} a week or so weather it will be a go for him to go to Fort Gordon, GA.

And us to FL.

We could be in FL by May 21. That's like REALLY soon everybody.

Im looking forward to becoming independant yet I am heartbroken and devistated at the same time. Michael said the counslor he is seeing wants to do a marriage counseling session with us, so I agreed. I dont think this is going to change anything and at this point even if he did say he wanted us to stay together, Im pretty sure Id say no. He's right. I need to gain my independance. I want to gain my independance.

I cant deny the fact that Im looking forward to the sun and beach also. Albeight, Im not exactly sure how much time Im going to have to be lounging around.....

My mom is going to look for an apartment for me on Thursday.Its the complex she stayed at when her and my dad first seperated. Ive been to her apartment while she was living there and they are super nice and affordable{thanks to it being subsidized} Its beautiful and more inportantly, safe. She knows the manager well, so hopefully she can pull a few strings and get meand the kids in.
                                                *******************************
Zacharys teacher told me today that she thinks it would be a good idea for Z to repeat Kindergarten again. He's not reading-at all and since he is the youngest in the class,she feels his maturity and impulse control inst there yet. Cant say I disagree.I mean if he was born just 1 day later, he would not have been able to enroll this year...one day. Im not too upset about this though. I stayed back in Kinder also because I was shy.{quit laughing....I still am shy to this day} and Michael stayed back in Kinder also but then skipped 7th and 8th grade. It will benefit him greatly I believe.

On a side note, have you every seen the movie The Lazarus Project?
If not, you should. Great movie. {click the link above to see the trailer}

Ok everyone, that was a quick update. I will be back when theres more stuff to share! ;)

Ambition

 
Ambition:

–noun

1. an earnest desire for some type of achievement or distinction, as power, honor, fame, or wealth, and the willingness to strive for its attainment: {Too much ambition caused him to be disliked by his colleagues.}

          2. the object, state, or result desired or sought after: {The crown was his ambition.}
         
          3. desire for work or activity; energy: {I awoke feeling tired and utterly lacking in ambition.}
–verb (used with object)

4. to seek after earnestly; aspire to.

**********************************************************************************
 
Michael and I had words yesterday.No yelling. We're keeping it civil for the kids.....
He told me that one of the reasons why he thinks this seperation is a good idea is because of my lack of ambition. When he said that to me, I immediatley took offense. Ambition? I have tons of ambition. Had he taken the time to actually peel himself away from his xbox games or his endless hours spent playing golf, to ya know, have a conversation with his wife, he would know all about my ambition. He says I don't go out ever. True. I give him that.being here in Germany, I have not gotten my German drivers liscense. I went when we first got here and took the test and failed. I got scared and didnt want to do it again. I haven't. One of his big issues is that he "has to do everything."
 
Really?? Cuz I was feeling the same way. I just dont understand where he is coming from. Well, I do since we have been here. He does do all the errands. The PO box, the gas, the commissary runs...I get that it takes a toll. But he's excluding the fact that when we were stationed back in Fort Riley,KS and I could drive
he would throw abig ol'tantrum when I would ask to have the car for the day. He'd say " I don't work in one spot Jen. I need to have the van." He denys saying that, but whatever. Like he would come out and say yes Jen you are right....but I digress.
 
I got off topic ranting there.
 
Ambitions
I have plenty of them. I hope to be an RN one day. I would love to have my own Photography business on the side also. {it's my passion, ya know} I would love to own my own home also. Aren't those ambitions?
 
Maybe Im wrong. I think his issues are that those things havent come to fruitation yet. To him I am just a boring,unmotivated housewife. Man, he couldnt be more wrong. He underestimates me soooo much and honestly, it motivates me even more to have success. I mean first and foremost,I just have this inner drive. It's just naturally there. Then, my kids are the ones who motivate me to succeed. I will succeed because I want them to have an excellent example of what hard work, detirmination and dreams can produce. Years ago, I found an ad in the newspaper for Diesel Jeans. Back then I cut it out and gave it to my mom.{she is diesel too ya know} Michael doesn'tknow anything about it, but thats my mom and I's thing.
we are diesel.
 
The amount of detirmination I have is unbelievable. He is clueless. He's going to give me up without a second thought. He's going to be sorry he ever let me go.
 I told him that he's so quick to jump on me, but what are his ambitions? He hasn't done anything all these years either. He completed a year of college before we were married, so he has one up on me. And yes, he's been to war twice. Other then that though?? A big fat nothing. I don't mean to come off as sounding bitchy, but I can't help it.
 
He's drowning in PTSD and sucidial thoughts and he won't let me help him. Its like hes going through a mid life crisis early or something. He just wants to be by himself.{and he's doing a remarkable job of it} Even when he's home he's not here. He plugs in to his xbox games for hours and yells at anyone who dares try to talk to him. { kids included} They dont deserve that. They are amazing little souls who just want their daddy. When I try to bring it up to Michael, he gets defensive and turns everything around on me. I get that he's in a bad spot right now emotionally and mentally, but if he is unwilling to accept help from me or anyone then what am I suppose to do?? He looks like he drowning. I swear you can see it on his face. I have been dealing with depression for years now. I know what it feels and looks like. {yes, depression has a look} Ive been on Zoloft for 4 years now. I know how he;s feeling but he just wont let me in.
 
Ive been seeking got out a lot lately and He has given me a sense of peace throughout this whole process. Its the weirdest thing, but I know that everything is going to work out the way God wants it to. This very situation was already destined to happen when we first met. God knew this was in our fate. For better or for worse, this is where we are suppose to be right now.Ive talked to some of the closest people to Michael and let themknow what I see going on with him. Michael likes to keep up appearences and not let anyone know anythings wrong. Since I am not going to be in GA with him, someone has to know. Someone has to be there to help him or at least keep an eye on him.{and I know they will}
 
I am very blessed that Michaels family is so amazing. They have been greatly supportive and helpful to me throughout this process. They know I love Michael and have only his best intrest at heart. That means the world to me.
 
We are taking things day by day right now. Its all we can do until we get back to the States. I will leave you with a quote that Michaels cousin sent to me.

~~~You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.   {isaiah 26:3}

Its a promise that as long as we are thinking of Him and trust Him He will help us be at peace even in the worst of times.

I couldn't agree more.

Cleaning out the Crib

Thats what I did today. Cleaned the crib.

Not the baby crib y'all.....the house. hehehe.

My appointment with my PCM went so so well! She is the kind of Dr.who actually cares about her patients. We aren't numbers or charts. We're people.She did a very complete check of my spine and had me test my range of motion. {The other dr I saw about 2 weeks ago did none of that!!!} She said that it's my spine. You can see the curve with your eye. Ive had scholiosas since highschool but never had any type of treatment. My Xrays from last visit turned up nothing. She said the only thing that she did see was a narrowing of the disks in my spine.....which comes from.....

wait for it------



wait for it----------






aging.

Eekkkkkkk!

Yeah Im getting old. Old Old. Bwhahahahaha! Turns out narrowing of the disks as you get older is normal. Who woulda thunk it?!?!?! ;)

I also got a referral for behavioral health. I need to see a counsler. With the seperation alone, it would be wonderful to getsome stuff out and gets unbiased opinions about our situation. Then there is my anxiety and low self esteem and my trust issues....

I don't know what's up,but I feel more okay with the seperation today. But thats today. I feel like I am on a rollercoaster that just keeps going and going and going. We are still being nice.After all.we do love each other. We watch movies at night still together, but its not a cuddly cute like we use to....theres a space between us on the bed now.....:(

Its pretty sad when you think about it. Living "seperated" but in the same house is so hard. Urgh. Still no news with anything about the med board process. His work hasnt even said anything to him about his dr. P3-ing his ankles. Hopefully we will hear something soon.

Tuesday is going to be a sad and strange day. Tuesday is Michael and I's 8 year wedding anniversary and 9 years together. {we chose april 12th because thats the day we started dating and figured it would be cool to get married on the day we started dating so every year another year would be added on to both...hope that made sense.LOL}  The weather here has been beautiful. Close to 70 and sunny. Soooo loving it.

Well y'all...things are slowly looking up around here I suppose. I will be back when I have something to actually write about......

Music Heals

Jessica Simpson - I belong to me by costyn

Moved to Tears

I just read a post by Madison over at The Shafer Family that complelty made me bust out crying...instantly. This is where I am. I am where she has been. She said a paticular thought that is exactly where I am at to the core of my being... 

I went from a relationship with God that was based on Bible stories to a relationship where I was seeking Him, where I was pursuing Him. One where I wasn't just saying rote prayers, but beseeching Him and truly getting to know Him.

I have always always believed in God. I have even felt him once in my life before. He took over my body. My soul was at peace and I felt at ease. He came to me at one of the darkest moments of mylife and gave me peace. Once is all I need. Sometimes I wish He would come to me that way again, but I know that is a selfish want. I do not need it. I know with all of my heart and soul that God is with me every step of the way through this seperation. Michael and I both need to grow as people. I mean we were 19 when we met.  We were kids! Three months later, I was pregnant and a year later he asked me to marry him.{he waited because he wanted to make sure I KNEW that he was marrying me because he was in love with me and not just because I was pregnant.} We hardly had time to get to really know each other. There have been many times{years ago} where I would threaten to leave. Onetime I actually did. I had our second child {Z} in Florida while we was stationed in WA. I couldn't take it anymore. The lonliness and heartache was just too much. So I left. And didnt return until  Zach was 4 months old.

It's been off and on that way for years. I have never left since then, but have thought about it. {as Im sure he has too}

I have anxiety and depression and low self esteem. Too much of the value that I have as a person is invested in what Michael thinks of me. And lets be honest...it's not to great right now. I know this seperation will make me get back to me. The strong, confident, less anxious, funny,happy girl that I use to be.  I need to know MY value and it cannot be based on what anyone, especially my husband thinks of me. I feel like I have let him crush my spirit. Im a fiesty girl and dont let him get away with his wise hurtful remarks. I have to say it has taken a toll on me to constantly feel like I have to defend myself.My feelings and my beliefs.

He has issues that he needs to work on as well. In my opinion, he is overly confident to the point of cockiness. He is un-emotional .......why go into it all. It doesn't even matter does it. He has issues just as I do. I am, however, very worried that his PTSD is causing him to sprial downward. I know what depression is and what it feels {and looks} like. He refuses to see it. Now my husband is not a strong believer in God. Semi, at best. I try to tellhimabout my experience with God and how He is the only one who can save him {michael} right now. He doesn't believe. And that kills me. Maybe God is showing him through this seperation that he needs to go to God. I can hope pray and believe that is the case.

I talked to Michael's mom yesterday and all I can say is that she put my soul at rest. Is that weird?? Yea, I thought so too. Only God has that power. I was surprised how content I felt after talking to her. I meanmymother-in-law and I have always been pleseant with each other but it'snot until about 3 years ago where I really felt like we clicked. We reached a common level and I grew to love her for who she is and not hw she chooses to live her life. She has the biggest heart I have ever ever seen. That's where my love gets its from. "He gets it from his mama!"

She told me that for Michael to say anything about seperation means that he is drowning and that he knows things arent good between us and that he sees no other way. That he does love me and wants this to work, but that we both need a breather.She told me to stay strong and continue on my way to becoming a RN and that things will work out how they are suppose to. She basically said the same thing that I,Michael and  my mom have been saying. I guess I just took it differently hearing it from her. Hmmmm. I dont know. She also said this:

KIM: "Put Michael aside hunny. Are you happy?"
ME: "No. I am not and I haven't been for a long time."
KIM:"Well Jen.....That in itself is enough of a reason for this seperation. If you arent happy as a person and he isn't happy as a person, they how the hell do yu think you both can make each other happy?"
ME" {dumbfounded...duh duh duh..insert DROOL here!}

It just is right. Doesn't mrean it doesnt hurt and doesnt mean Im not afraid. Cuz let me tell you.....

Im freaking petrified!!!



I haven't worked since 2003. Ive been a stay at home mama ummm FOREVER! Now I am faced with the responcibility of getting a FULLTIME job {not that being a mom isnt, but its different} GOING TO SCHOOL for my RN {somehow} finding good reliable childcare for Hailey and after school care for the boys { and trying to PAY for it} not to mention that little thing called A PLACE to LIVE!! {which isn't free ya know!} Food, gas and cothes for the kids and its just all too much for me to handle.

I like planning. Knowing the how, when, where and why's. I cant plan this and I feel like this is something that needs to be planned. Thank God for myfamily back home. I know I can rely on them and that they will help me and the kids.{ along with Michaels child support} I just dont want to live with anyone. I am almost 30 years old {ahhhhhh} and shouldnt have to be facing living with my mommy again. {not that its bad, my mom and I are BFF's....} But you guys know what I mean.......

Damn I didnt intend to bust all this out right now. LOL.Guess it needed to come out. Hopefully you all are still reading and havent given up thinking that I was going to right a mini novel or something! Bwhahahah!

On top of all this seperation stuff, my back is hurting sooooooooooo bad. I can hardly walk. I have an appt for it to be looked at {again} but this time its with my PCM {not the sub dr. lol} The good side is that Ive lost 5 lbs from being so stressed...and not feeliing like eating tonss like I normally do. LOL.

Michael went to the Dr. yesterday for his feet and she gave him a P3 on both his ankles. This basically means he will be going through the med board process. Its looking like sometimein May we will all be flying to GA and from there I will make the split with the kids to FL. God help us. Help us all through this!

Thanks for reading guys and any, any advice ot thoughts or feelings would be much appreciated....

I feel like there is no way I have 43 followers out there...

{thanks Aubrey and Selena..y'all are my BFF's......}

Till next update...... 

Incompatible

Thats what he say we are. He took his ring off last night.{yet still thinks its ok for us to have sheet time, if you catch my drift.}

Right. In his dreams.

He cannot just rip out my heart, stop on it then pick it back up and give it to me and expect everything to be okay. We are being civil for the kids. We will do all the things that a "normal" seperated husband and wife do.

Holidays, vacations etc. I will have the kids during the school year and he will take them during the summer....we each can go visit the kids when the other has them. It just feels like a dream. A baddd nightmare that I cant wake up from. Part of me sees how he feels that we would be better taking a break for a bit. It would benefit both of us greatly. The other part of me feels like we took vows. Ya know, for better or for worse?!?! Well this is the worse part right here folks. And he's bailing. I feel like we are being adandoned. Throw out. He says he needs no responsibility.

Ummm really. So sorry that we are a hinderance, pal. We just went to the PX here to get the kids some spring shirts. Of course this PX sucks and is way overpriced. So he says lets wait till you get to FL to get the kids tshirts. That way you can go to your consignment {which I do LOVE}

Ohhhhh okay. Awesome plan. We'll just send the boys to school in the 4 tshirts they have and thats fine. Sorry, Im venting.

Im o-v-e-r this drama. I hate the person I morph into whenever Im around him. I dont know if I should even be fighting for him...for us anymore. He's so clearly over it its not even funny. He says he loves and and is still in love with me, but that he needs to go and be by himselffor a while to get back to himself. Ya, but buy a house and have your mom and brother and sister in law and BABY move in. Good way to not make me feel like we're shit.

All I know is that I cant wait to get the fuck outta Germany and back to Fl so I can start to heal myself and these kids...cuz we all know these kids have underlying anxiety that they dont know about. {well, we know about Mikeys. Zach just told me "he's nervous" Great.}

Whatever folks. Whatever. I just dont know what to say anymore.

Seperation

Hi Folks

I write to you all this morning, heartbroken. michael and I have decided to seperate for a while.
We have had issues within our marriage for a few years now and each one of us is suffering. We both have issues we need to work through on our own before we can continue to be together. It's killing me inside. He is my love, my heart,my soul. We just have both hurt each other and are trying to "right fight" We each want the other one to see where we are coming from and that just isnt working. Michael has some 'army issues" that he is trying to work through as well. I realllly do not like the thought of this. Him and Ga and me in FL, but its what needs to happen right now. We are actually talking about things and we will be civil to each other for the kids. I mean after all, we do still love each other very much. It's not like we are forcing that.

It's just hard. Soo hard. I do have faith in our love and God so I know that in the long run this is going to be the best thing for us to nake our marriage stronger.

It just hurts like hell right now.